


Pride

by MaiKageshi



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Gay Pride, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, I'm out of ideas how does one tags, Internalized Homophobia, It gets a little steamy but nothing explicit, M/M, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 10:41:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11849895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaiKageshi/pseuds/MaiKageshi
Summary: Sometimes we struggle with who we are and who our parents want us to be, such is the case of Alec Lightwood. Stuck in a circle he wants to break out off. He's done with hiding, he's done with being scared, he just wants to be free.





	Pride

**Author's Note:**

> So! This is my first fanfic in literally years, hopefully it's not as bad as I think it is. I started this as a short story of 4k words but BAM suddenly the number tripled. It's 4am here and I regret nothing. **Trigger warnings** are at the tags, notify me if you think I should add more! Also, I want to apologize for the multitude of repeated words as I have the vocabulary capacity of a potato. I really tried. Seriously, how do people string together words so beautifully while I get stuck on how to start a sentence? SEND HELP PLEASE! That aside, I hope you enjoy! This is not beta read, I tried to catch all of them but all mistakes are mine and do inform me thanks! 
> 
> Also I want to mention that half way writing this fic, I came across this [amazing drawing](http://su-pectrum.tumblr.com/post/145761008009/aaayeeeee-its-alecs-first-pride) which pretty much inspired much one third of this fic, they draw a lot of pretty awesome art so go and [give the artist some love](http://su-pectrum.tumblr.com/)!

_“Come on Alec, join me please? Just this once?”_

It was so tempting.

_"You know I can’t. Especially not now, not when it’s so close to them.”_

But he could not.

 

* * *

 

Something white dropped in front of him, abruptly snapping Alec from his reverie. Previously vacant eyes sharpened on the blank banner before him. His head turned to look at his mother who was holding a few sign posts, all of them repeating the same creed.

“This is the last one, finish it and we’re done for tomorrow’s preparations.” Just like that, Maryse left the kitchen without another word, her muffled footsteps becoming quieter and quieter until it was silent again.

Alec sighed but did as he was told. The paintbrush felt heavy in his hands and his heart fell with every hateful word he smeared on with the angry red paint. If he was being honest with himself, he’d say that it felt more like he was writing with blood.

‘HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN, YOU WILL BE JUDGED, GOD HATES HOMOS’

Deep down inside, he knows that what he was doing was plain wrong, what his parents wanted him to think was also wrong. No matter what they said, it was no means to justify the hate they brought upon. Despite it all, Alec still found himself not far behind their footsteps, following his parents as they protested against something that was beautiful and encouraged acceptance. He knew it was wrong, the notion itself was sickening even, but fear held him back.

Years of being demanded to be nothing but the best and the shame of not being good enough bred into him the fear of receiving rejection from his family. It was cruel, to have the responsibility of being the eldest, the perfect role model, shoved unwillingly onto his shoulders. Positioned where he must always be the better one, to always know better. Or in his parent’s case, where he must be faultless; where mistakes were unacceptable and to even be one hair out of line was intolerable.

It caused him to spend much of his childhood striving for his mother’s affection and his father’s approval, but however hard he tried, that recognition never came. If anything, he’d always end up being scrutinized and berated for his attempts for affection, having his behaviour called shameful or immoral. All his life, he wanted his parents to be proud of him, for them to praise him, giving him a simple ‘good job’ or even just a pat on the shoulder. It was only recently that he was finally able to gain a little respect from his parents. He was scared that if he had shown even a hint of rebellion, all of his hard work would crumble and he would have to start rebuilding again but this time with only dust to work with. It was frightening to say the least, so it’s no wonder that he kept quiet. He had to. Fear of rejection had overshadowed everything, screaming louder than any other voice in his head.

Well, all but one.

The mere thought of it spurred Alec back down the road of his memories. He let his mind wander, to return back to that faithful encounter three years ago. When he met that voice. When he met the love of his life. When everything changed. And it had all began with two simple words.

 

* * *

 

_“You okay?”_

_Alec startled at the sudden voice that spoke to him. He was so sure that no one had seen him leave the auditorium and he was certain that he would be alone in the second floor restrooms. So how was it that he, of all people, was the one who found him here? At the same time, that voice… It was so full of concern. It was a voice that was Alec knew so very well that he’d recognize it anywhere, a voice belonging to a certain gorgeous senior._

_Someone who he wasn’t supposed to have those thoughts for, his brain helpfully supplied._

_‘These thoughts are sinful. Stop. What’s wrong with you?!’ He curled deeper into himself, forcing the words over and over in his head, not knowing that he had actually said them out loud. A hand rested on his shoulder and he visibly flinched. In an instant, his head lowered purposefully to make him appear as small as possible. He could already hear the disappointment dripping in his parents’ voice, he doesn’t need any rejection now, especially not from him._

_“There’s nothing wrong with you.”_

_He didn’t even realise he was crying. At least, not until his welled-up tears fell and streaked down his face when he looked up from his knees, and then he was face to face with the most mesmerizing pair of golden eyes. They did not look at him like how he expected them to. Instead of disgust, they held the exact same warmth and kindness he always saw in the hallways._

_“I don’t... Disgust you...?”_

_Words tumbled from his mouth before his brain had a chance to properly process and filter through them. If the other didn’t thought of that earlier, he sure damn well knew it now. Alec’s heart lurched at the thought of being rejected again, it was already too painful to even think about. He was going to be hated, he was repulsive, unclean, depraved-_

_“Oh darling, of course not. Why ever would you think that?”_

_Once again, Alec was left stunned. Lines of utter disbelief was written all over his face. With parted lips and widened eyes, he stared in wonder at the crouching figure of Magnus Bane before him; who had a sad yet comforting smile etched on his face. Amazed as he was, it did not stop Alec from already forming an excuse with half a mind to bolt it just so he could avoid having to confront his crush like this. However, as much as the warm thumbs rubbing on his shoulder sped his heart up, it also rooted him completely to his spot. There was no way he could move away, he’d be lying if he said he wanted to. But currently, Alec was more concerned on the fact of how could Magnus not be repelled by him? For a second there, Alec allowed himself a small, glimmering shred of hope that maybe, maybe Magnus could help him. That in this crazy world he lived in, there was a small nanoscale of a chance that the magnificent man before him, could possibly be like him. Well that was before he reined his mind back in and promptly gave himself a mental slap a second later. He only let himself hope to thoroughly destroy his own dreams._

_“What the Sisters said. They said that it was wrong. To feel attraction like that is unholy and... sexually immoral and that God will judge us all. That for falling into temptation, I will burn in hell.”_

_His voice came out a hoarse croak, like he’s been crying and was now choking on his own words. He didn’t know why he was telling Magnus this when he was already sure he would be denied. God knows how much his heart has been screaming every night, praying for it to be over, to be normal and see girls the way Jace did, not look at guys the way Isabelle would._

_Alec clenched his fists around his knees, hard. Pale skin broke at the sheer force of his grip, nails scraping and bruising the flesh beneath. All of a sudden, soft, caramel skinned fingers trailed down and came to rest on his white knuckles, brushing the tense digits as if coaxing them to relax and loosen up._

_“What do you think?” Magnus’ voice was impossibly soft but at the same time, sounded like pure butter: smooth, rich and melting Alec’s insides. It sent his mind into a fuzzy haze, the tingle of an involuntary shiver ran down the length of Alec’s spine and the world felt like it was just the two of them. Where all he could grasp was the anchoring touch of Magnus’ skin._

_“I-I don’t know…” Alec whispered, it came out a little breathier than he liked. “I’d like to think that it’s not true.” Within seconds, his entire demeanour fell. Earlier thoughts of impurity and damnation plagued his helpless mind and he just couldn’t stop overthinking._

_Thrown back into the frenzy of his thoughts, he was back in the auditorium. Fingers trembling and back sweaty as the Sister on the stage spoke of how sinful and unnatural it was to lust after one of the same gender. That I t was an insult to the body in which God has given them and to desecrate it would be dishonour towards God and thus they will suffer the flames of Hell for eternity._

_He didn’t want to know what he thinks. He didn’t want be hated. He didn’t want to go to Hell. Oh God, will Magnus even look at him if he found out about his feelings for him? Will he still accept him then? He did say that Alec didn’t disgust him, but on what grounds? There was no way to know for certain what he meant. All he knew was that the flashing visions of Magnus sneering at him in the hallways made his heart rate spike up and hot bile rise to his throat._

_Magnus’ possible rejection and the fear of it returned full force and Alec found himself trying to divert the older boy’s attention. But his shoulders slumped, weighed down the gravity of his worries and eyes devoid of hope. It betrayed how he really felt, truly believing that he was immoral and feeling the guilt of involving Magnus into it all. He needed to save his skin and his dignity. “B-but then.” He began, stammering. “I-I wished I wasn’t like this, you know… dirty and sick and broke-“ He didn’t manage to finish. Because in less than a second, strong arms were wrapped around him and there was silence. He almost forgot how to breathe._

_“Oh you poor thing... Darling-No... God… No, no. You’re not sick. Or broken, far from it.” Magnus pulled away slightly, a look of complete tenderness washed over his beautiful features. Alec was surprised to see that those golden eyes had turned watery, Magnus was nearly crying and it was for him. Someone who Alec thought would never mean anything to him. A brush on his cheek brought him back and he realised that it was Magnus’ fingers, gently wiping the tears on his face._

_“What you feel. What you are. There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s nothing wrong with you. If anything, you’re beautiful. And your thoughts, your feelings, they are all beautiful.”_

_The impact of those words hit right home and Alec’s throat constricted, choking up. All he had strived to hide, all his self loathing, the walls he built around his feelings, came crashing down. It was all too much. But it felt so good. He let it all out and cried into Magnus’ shoulder, he didn’t care that he was still out in the open or about the consequences he might face for getting caught embracing another boy in the halls of a Catholic School. He just let the build up of every emotion and every insecurity he held back peak and bleed out far away from him. Holding on tight to Magnus, ‘Finally.’ he thought. ‘Even if it was just for a moment. Finally, finally, someone who understands.’_

_‘Finally, someone who accepts me.’_

 

* * *

 

“ALEC!” He scrambled up immediately at the sound, spilling the different paints onto the banner. “Alec, look at the mess you made. Stop daydreaming and finish it up! And please do it right this time!” Alec was left confused, tilting his head slightly to the right. Maryse stood at the kitchen doorway with her arms crossed, an index finger pointing at the banner as she gestured her head at it. She did not looked pleased. Alec raised an eyebrow before he took a glance at the white cloth, his face paled instantly.

While lost in his own musings, he had painted out the wrong words. The tubes of paint he accidentally slammed his hands onto instead of the table when he got up earlier made a large streak across the banner. Blood was draining rapidly from his face and he had nothing to say, only responded with the murmur of a small, fearful apology. “I’m sorry mother, I-I’ll fix it.” He said and kept his head hung low like a child awaiting punishment. Maryse sighed in annoyed disappointment, she didn’t see how Alec was cringing away from the sound as if it was a painful burn. “Just clean it up. And at least make it look presentable.” Alec nodded limply at her instructions, his line of sight still trained on the floor until he was sure she left.

A quivering breath that he tried to swallow back escaped his lips. Momentarily, he lost control of his body which trembled and wobbled back onto his chair. It took great effort to slow his heart that was pounding erratically in his chest. Make no mistake, Alec really felt ready to just fall into a hole and die. Red crept back up to his cheeks, clear blue eyes started to blur but stopped short of giving in. He had promised himself he would not let his parents be the cause of his tears and he’s not breaking that promise anytime soon. With a hard sniff, he willed himself not to cry. Valiant as his attempt was to not let his mother’s words affect him, it still wasn’t easy, never was and certainly not now. Disappointment from his parents was not a rare incident, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And boy did it sting a lot.

Still, he tried his best to not let it get in the way and fumbled for the white masking tape on the table before he began his work on fixing his mistake.

 

* * *

 

_“I’m-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to- I’ll do better! I’ll-”_

_Alec stopped dead in his tracks. There was a jerking movement beneath him and in true Alec fashion, he took it as agitation and started to panic. Did he screw up that bad, to the point that Magnus hated it that much? Falling straight into habit, Alec bit his bottom lip to keep it from wobbling as his head raced to overthink every little detail and every little mistake he made in that earlier moment. Alec was building up another torrent of shaky apologies but held his tongue when he heard laughter._

_It was like his brain short circuited and in his dilemma he could no longer comprehend anything that’s more complicated than a potato. He couldn’t quite understand why Magnus was chuckling, rather sexily he might add, at the situation. Magnus was laughing at him. Either it was something he did or did not do, Magnus found funny and Alec couldn’t decide what was worse; his complete lack of any romantic experience or the fact that Magnus was laughing at his crippling shortage of said romantic experiences. God, he must’ve made an outright fool of himself. Stupid, stupid Alec-_

_“Darling stop that. Stop overthinking.” Magnus caressed Alec’s neck._

_“I’m sorry.” Alec replied weakly._

_“There’s nothing to be sorry for, it was actually quite enjoyable.” His tone was teasingly seductive, a playful smirk pulled at the edge of his lips._

_“But... But... I... Bit you...?” The sentence ended on a questioning note. Alec was unsure but at least he wasn’t worrying anymore._

_“It’s sexy when you do it. And I like it. A lot. So there’s no need to apologise for everything dear.” Magnus gave out a tinkling laughter. It sent Alec soaring with his pulse quickening at the arousing compliment. Suddenly, Alec was blushing all the way to his ears, a shy smile settling on his lips as he dove into Magnus’ bare shoulder to hide himself, too embarrassed to let Magnus have the pleasure to see him very obviously turned on._

_“Now, now Alexander, where do you think you’re going?” That seductive voice came back again and Alec cursed the Gods above for this beautiful man as he felt slender fingers running under the hem of his shirt. Alec sucked in a startled breath, gasping when they trailed up his tailbone._

_“We haven’t even gotten to the fun bits yet, so let’s see if you remembered what I taught you.” Alec could feel the stretch of Magnus’ grin on the side of his head._

_“You’re the worst home tutor ever...” He grumbled into Magnus’ exposed collarbone but arching his back into Magnus’ touch. Magnus only smirked wider and reached around to run his hand over his angel’s bare chest, this time eliciting a moan from the younger._

_“We’ll see about that, Mr Lightwood.” Magnus purred sweetly into Alec’s ear, golden eyes full of mischief as they glinted enticingly in the moonlight._

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take long, seeing as it wasn’t as bad as he first thought it would be. He stood up to give his work a once over, deeming it fit for use when he saw that the three layers of tape had concealed his slip up well enough. Fortunately, the acrylic paint he used did not slough off and stuck nicely onto the tape where he rewrote the two words.

A small pang of regret and guilt stabbed at him. He wished he didn’t have to hide those words, just like how he wished he didn’t have to hide himself. Appeasing his parents came with a cost he wasn’t sure was even worth it anymore. “Oh well, some people have it worse...” He rationalized with himself. In hindsight he was actually pretty lucky, at least he didn’t live in a country where by anything that was even remotely gay was equivalent of being illegal and punishable by death. “At least here the worse that can happen is me being disowned and kicked out of the house.” Alec muttered darkly under his breath. Invalidating his own experiences was doing nobody any favours, Alec was well aware of that, but he still thought that the fact held some truth.

That was another reason why he did not want to come out to his homophobic Catholic parents. Many times over the course of his short life, he’s heard on many occasions what exactly Robert and Maryse would do and was capable of doing without any remorse if they discovered that he was gay. Disappointing them would be the least of his concerns compared to the other things they would do. He would be immediately despised and casted out of his home until he was “cured of this faggy disease” or have agreed to be sent for therapy or worse, to the Catholic conversion camps.

Just the thought of it alone made him shudder. Alec so badly wanted to believe that his parents will come around someday. Clinging onto the dream that they’d be able to see him for who he is and love him anyways, despite being gay, despite not being good enough. But nowadays, he was beginning to lose that glimmer of hope, believing that sometimes that’s all it will ever be, just another dream. Then again, Alec never thought that he would be able to have what he wanted. He had surrendered himself to his tragic fate but then there was Magnus Bane, defying all odds and giving him what he once thought was an impossible dream, something he truly believed he could never have. And yet here he was, secretly gay and in a loving relationship, and he had his magnificent boyfriend to be forever thankful for.

‘ _I’m too SHINY! Watch me dazzle like a diamond in the rough, strut my stuff! My stuff is so SHINY!’_

Speak of the devil. Alec no longer required to look at his phone to know exactly who was calling him, what with the ridiculous custom ringtone his boyfriend had set for himself on his phone. He gave himself a moment to chuckle before picking up the device and answering it.

“Hey Magnus, what’s up.” Alec greeted, his mood elevating instantly. Balancing the phone between his face and left shoulder, Alec set out to clear the kitchen table.

“ _Hello darling I- Oh wait, I hear something in the background. Are you busy right now? I can call back later once you’re done.”_ And there he goes again, always the considerate one.

“No no, it’s fine. I’m just cleaning up the table.” Alec replied lightly, careful not to bring too much attention to what he was cleaning up _for_.

“ _At this hour? My my, and here I thought I was feeding you too much. No wonder you’re looking squishier recently, you’ve been snacking before bed haven’t you?_ “ Magnus teased.

“Wha- Are you calling me fat?” Alec gasped in mock offense, almost spilling out in laughter.

There was a quick inhale and a sputter on the other side of the line before “ _No- Of course not! I would never-! How dare you to even assume!_ ” Magnus sounds indignant and offended as he played along. But two seconds later he could no longer help it and burst out into a small fit of laughter.

Alec shook his head fondly at the lovely sound of Magnus’ laugh, a smile plays out on his own lips. “I love your voice.” Alec said tenderly, mirth delicately crinkling the corner of his eyes.

“ _You love it better under the sheets._ ” Magnus voice lowered into a husky purr. Gone was their playful, innocent banter and in came a bright red flush that was quickly inhabitating on Alec’s pale face. A few brushes slipped from his grip as his hand went slack. Thankfully, his quick reflexes prevented another mess, catching them before they could hit the floor.

“ _Magnus!_ ” Alec stage whispered hotly, half mortified and half turned on. “Stop that!” Alec’s head whirled to look around him, hoping to the angels above that his parents did not see him. “You’re gonna get me caught!”

“ _Why Mr Lightwood, no need to be flustered. There’s nothing here that will get you into trouble. It’s not as if we are doing anything inappropriate.”_ An innocent lilt coated his words but Alec knew better. _“Unless you want there to be.”_ He imagined that if his parents weren’t going to get to him first, he was pretty sure that Magnus was next in line to officially be the end of him.

Knowing that a worded answer would only spur him on, Alec resorted to using his grumpy huff, also known as the if-you-don’t-stop-I’m-hanging-up-right-now huff which usually does the trick to shut him up. To much of Alec’s dismay though, Magnus only laughed even more.

“ _Hahah alright alright, I’ll stop teasing. You’re just too adorable sometimes Alexander, I can’t help it._ ” Alec rolled his eyes, glad that Magnus at least had the decency to apologise. His blush has not receded in the slightest but for as long as he was alone, he didn’t mind.

“And you’re a royal pain in the ass sometimes.” Alec snorted, screwing the caps back on the tubes of paint.

“ _High praise indeed._ _Well what can I say? Only the best for you darling._ ” Magnus answered shamelessly. Alec swears he could hear the sly wink in Magnus’ voice. It’s these sorts of conversations that causes Alec to sometimes wonder if Magnus even understands the concept of having chill. Oh wait, no, of course he doesn’t. Why? Because he was Magnus freaking Bane. 

“Don’t you have anything you’re supposed to be doing right now?” Alec asked as everything on the table was finally set aside. Although Magnus often teased him mercilessly, his presence was nevertheless immensely comforting in Alec’s more somber moments. Where Alec could just shut down and forget his burdens, a small reprieve in his hectic life to just indulge himself in Magnus. Hands freed, he held the phone in one and used the other to turn off the lights in the kitchen before climbing up the stairs to his room.

“ _I do indeed._ ” said Magnus, but his tone left no indication that he was going to leave.

“Then do it.”

“ _I can’t.”_ Magnus bemoaned with great lament and a resigned sigh.

“Why not.” Alec raised an eyebrow as he opened the door to his room. Strange of Magnus to be unable to do something, he thought.

“ _Because he’s on the other side of the line._ ”

“Who’s on the other si-Oh God stop. Magnus please.” Alec groaned the second he understood what Magnus implied, exasperated at the seemingly endless amount of innuendos that was being thrown at him. He plunged face first into his pillows, it muffled his groan.

 “ _Oh that sounds absolutely delicious._ ” He chuckled at Alec’s annoyed reaction. “ _Okay I’ll stop for real this time. No need to be dramatic._ ” Magnus added when he heard another groan coming from his phone.

“Says you.” Alec quipped, still buried in the soft, comfy mass.

“ _Touché. But back to the subject. Why were you cleaning up so late dear? Isn’t Chase and Izzy out of town? And surely you must’ve finished dinner a few hours ago? Why the big mess, are you okay?_ ” Concern laced Magnus’ words and Alec fidgeted, turning onto his side. Well there was no point in lying now.

“It was uh... I was doing the banners. For my parents. For uh, you know... Tomorrow.” Like before, every word he said was a knife to his own heart. Shame bubbled in his stomach, the awkward silence that grew between ate at him as he waited for Magnus’ reply. Each second felt longer than the last and Alec was afraid that he had ruined everything until there was a faint, nearly inaudible, sigh came from the other side.

“ _Oh,_ _I see... I don’t think I will ever understand why to this day you are still following as they say. But I guess that means there’s no point in asking if you changed your mind, is there?_ ” There was no accusation in his tone, just plain, brutal honesty. Magnus didn’t even sound mad, he just sounded a little downcast. Alec’s heart ached at the sound, hating himself for the cause of Magnus’ despair.

“Magnus, please. You know I can’t. My parents would see me and they’re gonna- no, they WILL throw me out. I’m not 18 yet, I don't have stable funds or-or even a job or anything! I… I can’t live on my own, not right now. It’s safer this way.” Alec pleaded weakly. In truth, it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself rather than Magnus or anyone else.

“ _Yes I remember it quite well. I had hopes but very well, if you so insist, I won’t push you into doing it._ ” Alec breathed out a relieved sigh, though his heart still beat uncomfortably in his chest, like it was telling him that he made the wrong choice. He did his best to ignore his guts.

“T-thank you Magnus.” But if he had been so adamant on it being a bad idea, then why did he feel so empty and defeated inside?

“ _This could’ve been a great chance for you Alec. To be free of it all and to be yourself. All while being surrounded by those who are going through the same. You wouldn’t have to be afraid and I would’ve been happily by your side._ ” Anger briefly took control of his head, but the damage was already done.

“I want to. God. Magnus I want to go so much so _badly_. But I just can’t alright? Can’t we just leave it at that!? Why do you have to keep prying? Don’t you understand my situation at all? Do you want me to leave y-” His next words got caught in his throat, horrified. He couldn’t believe what he almost just said. Alec never meant to yell, but fear clouded his thoughts and made him felt like he was being boxed into a corner and then attacked from all sides. So confused and scared that he retreated back into himself in defence and put walls back up around himself and his heart. He didn’t want to lose everything he had known. He was too afraid. But right now, he was much more afraid of what might the consequences be for what he has done.

The silence on the other side was deafening. Magnus didn’t say anything and Alec felt bone chilling horror sunk his body. He didn’t mean to, he cried in his mind, he wanted to take it all back, slap himself for being so stupid and most of all, apologise to Magnus. His boyfriend whose been nothing but selfless and patient and understanding to him throughout their entire relationship. God, he doesn’t want to lose that. He doesn’t want to lose _him_. He just can’t lose Magnus. Alec wouldn’t know what to do anymore if he did.

“Shit shit! I’m sorry, crap I’m so sorry Magnus, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I-“ Alec began earnestly but was cut off before he could go further. “ _What did I say about apologising?”_ Magnus interrupted, his voice masked with a light air but Alec could hear it breaking and it broke his heart. “ _It’s not your fault Alexander. I should’ve known not to push you over your limits and I’m sorry._ ” Although relief flowed into Alec’s tense body, he still felt horrible for saying what he almost did and making Magnus apologise after it. After all Magnus was only trying to help.

“ _I only wanted you to be happy and to be able to see yourself without hiding anything. It pains me every single time to see you hate yourself for not being enough or when you feel like you need to be someone else for people to love you, when all this time you have always been perfect._ ” Magnus’ voice cracked towards the end. His heartfelt words piercing through Alec’s heart like a well aimed arrow. He wanted to melt into Magnus’ arms, hug him and cry into his shoulders like the first time they met. Yet, he could only silently wipe away his own tears.

“ _Maybe its just me._ ” Magnus continued after a slight pause. “ _Maybe its just that selfish part of me that doesn’t want to hide our relationship anymore._ ” Magnus let out a broken chuckle, it sounded like the pitiful wet laughter before crying, with the bitterness of a man who’s lost everything. “ _All the while, I respected your need to hide and never complained. But sometimes, I’d wish you would respect mine too._ ” Magnus finished quietly, whether in submission or bitterness Alec doesn’t know. He couldn’t come up with anything to say to that. Only now just realising how selfish he’d been. It wasn’t fair towards Magnus who was made to hide just because Alec didn’t want to be brave. Magnus was out and proud and unapologetically bisexual. To hide a part of himself that he was vocally proud of being and spent so much time flaunting along with their relationship must’ve been be painful and indescribably hard on him. Alec didn’t know where to even begin to apologise.

“I’m sorry...” He said in a small voice, not able to put in exactly the magnitude of his remorse into just two words. If he wanted to, he would need a whole dictionary in three different languages to just have enough words to describe how sorry he was.

“ _Like I said, it’s alright Alexander. I as well, am not blameless. I was a little out of bounds there and it was not right of me to thrust it upon you like that._ ” That only made Alec feel worse. But he nodded in response anyways, even though he was sure Magnus couldn’t see him.

“ _It’s getting late. And we both have to be up early, so I guess this is goodnight Alexander. Hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow._ ” There was a rustle of sheets and it usually meant that Magnus was getting into bed, which would bring him to end the call soon.

“Yeah okay, I guess so. Maybe you won’t see me since...” Alec caught himself before he could make it any worse. “Yeah okay, sorry... Goodnight.” He was going to end the call then. However what Magnus said next, he was not expecting and made his heart leap straight into his throat.

“ _I love you Alexander_.” Short, sweet and sincere, just like always. Alec was almost close to tears, the fact that Magnus still loved him astonished him in ways unimaginable. Magnus was too good for him.

“Aku juga cintamu.” Alec choked out, surprised at himself that he didn’t somehow manage to screw it up. A shocked but pleasant hum came through and Alec knew that Magnus was smiling at his words.

“ _Goodnight sayang._ ” Magnus blew him a kiss and finally hung up. Once again, the room was filled with silence, punctuated by the low rumble of Alec’s breaths.

Alone with his thoughts again, he let Magnus’ words linger in the air. It felt like a God given miracle that Magnus was still putting up with him. Back in school, seeing girlfriends come and go was a common affair with Magnus, earning him the title of a playboy. In those days, Alec was still an insecure, closeted and self loathing teenager with more empathy than anyone else. While people saw Magnus as the flamboyant, sarcastic womanizer, Alec paid attention to the details and saw underneath the façade where it hid a boy with warm smiles and kind eyes, someone who had his heart broken many times over but still chose to love. It was what Alec saw then and it was what he saw now, a soul who yearned for its other half, for happiness and true love.

Thinking about it made the passing thoughts he had from before resurface. He remembered thinking to himself how he would never hurt him, that if he was a girl and was lucky enough to be with Magnus, he would not break his heart. Especially during the days where Magnus came to school with a fake smile and makeup under his red eyes, evidence of his broken heart and a sleepless night. Pointers of his inner turmoil that no one but Alec ever seem to notice, always assuming that he was the one who broke it off and left without any remorse when it was so far from the truth.

To be fair though, it wasn’t hard to see why they thought like that. Magnus never wallowed in self pity, taking only a few days to recompose himself and go back to face the world. It did not mean he was any less affected or that he didn’t hurt on the inside but rather it was him making an effort not to allow his past experiences ruin what he could have in the present. Sadly, people took that as indifference and never thought twice, not knowing how much it truly hurts for Magnus to smile as he hid the shattered pieces of his heart.

In that aspect, they were both quite similar, Alec building walls to isolate himself from his own feelings and from getting hurt while Magnus hid how he truly felt, shoving aside his pain behind a flashy exterior. Proving once again why they needed each other so badly. Someone to be open wholeheartedly with, someone who can break down their walls and still love and accept each other for what’s inside. Which was exactly what Magnus tried to do, to help Alec learn that it’s okay to take one step away from his insecurities while assuring him that he’ll be there every step of the way.

Alec gave a long sigh, he really did screw up this time, didn’t he? He needs to make it up to Magnus, but wonders just how can he make it up to him. For starters, he needs to be a little more attentive to his boyfriend’s feelings, not to mention put effort into being more open and honest with him and stop being so defensive all the time. Because at the end of the day, he knows that Magnus would never want to intentionally hurt him, much less judge him for his mistakes like his parents did.

He shook his head at the thought of his parents, he’ll deal with them tomorrow. Now, he just wants to sleep and forget. Rolling onto his back, Alec charged his phone on his bedside table and turned his head to stare at his ceiling. “Goodnight Magnus.” He whispered with a tired yawn and closes his eyes.

 

* * *

 

_He felt the movement before anything else. How could he not when the muscles he was laying on suddenly vibrated against his back. Magnus was quivering behind him. Forgetting the movie for a minute, Alec craned his head up to look at the older boy, wondering what the heck is going on. From his angle, he could only see Magnus’ chin as his head was thrown back, snickering and amused by something Alec wasn’t quite sure of._

_“Magnus, what’s so funny?” Alec asked, expressing slight concern on the subject of Magnus’ mental well-being. Immediately, Magnus snapped his head down to look at his lover who was sitting between his legs. A hand came up to ruffle Alec’s hair carelessly and a kiss was placed there a moment later. “Ahh, it’s nothing my dear. I just realised just how funny it is that your parents still think I’m making you study. While here we are watching Disney movies.” Magnus lets out another laugh. “Don’t you think that it’s at least a little funny?”_

_It was true, it started in Catholic high school when Alec was first exploring his sexuality. In a way, Magnus was tutoring Alec. Just not in the ways of excelling academically, rather teaching him to embrace himself and his sexuality, that being gay was not as repulsive as the Sisters made them out to be. Magnus had been extremely patient for those first few months, guiding Alec and giving him support when he needed it. They started out as friends but soon enough, it blossomed into something deeper and more intimate. With Magnus falling for the sweet blue eyed boy more and more with each passing day and how Alec’s relentless crush on Magnus only grew stronger as they spent more time together, it was no surprise that within two short months the both of them became utterly smitten with one another._

_After that, all the “tutoring” sessions turned into excuses to see each other and spend time in each other’s arms. Even after Magnus had graduated from that God awful high school, they continued their secret relationship through these sessions. Magnus being three years his senior meant that Robert and Maryse was more than happy to let Alec spend more time with him, thrilled that Alec could learn from his experience and get a head start on his academics. Not that Alec needed much of Magnus’ help in the first place. Even without Magnus’ academic tutelage, Alec was already a brilliant student, scoring straight A plusses and taking AP programs since he was a sophomore._

_But Maryse and Robert still thinks that it was all because of Magnus’ help that Alec was doing so well at school. They never once stopped to think that maybe their son had always been this intellectually capable on his own. But Alec wasn’t about to correct them, as long as it gave his parents more of a reason to let him stay longer and more frequently at Magnus’ place, who was he to judge and complain?_

_Alec hummed as he snuggled his back deeper into Magnus’ chest. “I guess it’s a little funny. You’d think for two die hard Catholics, they’d notice a gay relationship a mile away. Thank God for small mercies, huh?” His head inclined upwards and he gave Magnus’ neck a small peck before sending his focus back to the movie. “Well accredit that to you being the Prince of Narnia. That and they don’t seem to have much of a functioning gaydar. Unlike mine which works fabulously.” Magnus slipped his hands around Alec’s waist to hold the boy closer to him._

_“How so?” Alec nuzzled into the warm touch, content with their close proximity. Magnus shot him a dazzling smile which slowly softened into a look of complete adoration. “Well, for starters, I found you.” Alec froze. That was the single, most sweetest line that Alec has ever heard. Never in his life, he’d think that he would mean so much to someone else. To hear Magnus speaking of him with complete, unabashed affection was overwhelming. It made him fall even deeper for the man he loved. Outshining every star, and even more beautiful than the moon, a radiant smile split across Alec’s face. A strong rush of blood filled his cheeks and turned them red but he paid them no mind, too happy to even care when he felt out of this world, magical. Holding back a sob, Alec turned and lifted his hand to cup Magnus’ cheek, the skin soft under his fingers. “I love you.” Alec poured his heart and soul into those three little words, love overflowing from his voice for the man he called his lover. He leaned in and captured Magnus’ lips in a passionate kiss, submerging them in an ocean of love and desire where they can only be satisfied by the touch of their skin as they clung onto each other, unwilling to let go._

_Movie completely forgotten, Alec shifted to lay down on the couch as Magnus climbed on top of him, neither dared to break the kiss even for a second. Completely lost in each other and dead to the world as their tongues intertwined in a hot, needy tango. They only parted when the need for oxygen was too much to ignore. As they part, their tongues left a hanging trail of saliva between them, breaths mingling and eyes glazed over. In their little private bubble, the only thing their gaze held, was each other._

 

* * *

 

The alarm went off and Alec was harshly awakened, groggy and annoyed from being rudely extracted from his dreams. His hand shot out from the covers with a vengeance, blindly searching for his phone to shut the infernal thing up. Finally succeeding a minute later as he punched the snooze button repeatedly. It was way too early to be waking up on a Saturday. He was about ready to bury himself under the sheets again when another noise had to ruin his morning, the sharp knocks his father was hammering on his door.

“Hurry up, it’s time to get up Alec! We’re leaving in half an hour so stop dawdling and get ready!” Robert’s gruff voice was muffled by the door but Alec still heard him loud and clear. Ugh. What was the rush? If there was one thing he openly disagreed with his parents, it would be with their inexplicable need to be all set at the crack of dawn for every protest. Yes, it’s a good habit to be punctual and early and all that but for this instance, Alec couldn’t understand for what? To be the first in line for the intolerant train of discriminatory zealots? This wasn’t exactly a mall on Black Friday situation here.

The last thing Alec wanted to do today was to attend that rally. As appealing as it is to be able to join the parade, even if someone offered and promised there would be no backlash coming from his parents, Alec would still rather stay in bed the whole day. His conversation with Magnus last night was still hanging over his head and he wasn’t ready to face anything today. Let alone have the energy to fake a protest. Opening his mouth, he groaned frustratedly into his pillow, squeezing it so tightly that his hands were starting to hurt. Soon his nails would break into the skin of his palms if he did not stop.

He started screaming into the pillow, having it clenched it tight in his hands and sealed over his mouth, the soft material it was made from muted it from being heard beyond his room. Alec was following a piece of Magnus’ advice, that venting out your frustrations could relieve some of it. He only stopped when his throat went dry. The screaming helped, not much but it was enough. Steeling himself and his posture, Alec finally got up from the bed. With his head held high and a mask of calm resolve, he began his morning routine.

 

* * *

 

_“Why are we watching this again? Didn’t we go through it last week?” Magnus asked, idly playing with Alec’s mop of hair. Both were seated on the sofa, watching the a line go in circles on the screen as they waited for the movie to finish buffering. Alec had his head laid sideways on Magnus’ lap while the older sat upright sipping on a martini which he got from God knows where._

_“It’s because we barely got over the first scene before you started laughing about my parents.” Playfully, Alec swatted Magnus’ hand away and gestured to the side table without taking his eyes off the TV. “Pass me the popcorn?” And Magnus complied his request, placing the large bowl in front of his boyfriend’s stomach, but not before smirking._

_“But I recall it led to something far more interesting than just missing a movie, wouldn’t you agree? After all you were begging by the end of it.” His eyebrows wiggled with delight which made Alec’s eyes roll. “Which is exactly why we’re watching it again.” Alec, poor Alec did not realise the innuendo he’d just incurred upon himself. There was no way Magnus was ever going to let this perfect opportunity slip by._

_“Oh Alexander, if you wanted me to take you again, you only had to ask.” Tittering, Magnus leaned down his flexible upper body to start trailing nibbles down Alec’s neck. Determined to ignore his ministration so it wouldn’t end up like the last time, Alec resolutely swallowed down the tingling pleasure and clicked play. In an instant, the TV burst into life, colours from the screen lightly illuminating the two boys in a soft glow and putting an end to whatever ideas Magnus had been planning. He groaned dramatically._

_“Fine, you win this round. Let’s go save China again.”_

 

* * *

 

There was already shouting. God he hated the shouting.

It was still okay when he first arrived. Relatively peaceful even, if you could call it that. On the other side of the curb, the march was colourful, lively and like always, took Alec’s breath away. People of all ages, colour, genders and different backgrounds coming together to parade under the rainbow. He’d been to 5 so far, all unwillingly as a protester under the demands of his parents, and each one was always better than the last. And like every single one of them, Alec always felt the gravitating pull to join them, to celebrate pride in a march where he knew he would belong. His heart yearned for it, but he stood back. He had to, Alec reasoned with himself as he stood beside his mother, holding up the banner in which he had inscribed hurtful words upon. Even though he couldn’t bring himself to be with the people physically, he took solace on the fact that his heart will be there cheering on with them. The rainbow armband he wore on his bicep, hidden as it may be under his sleeves, was a solid testament to the cause.

But of course bigots had to be bigots, they just had to rain on the literal parade. Not even ten minutes into the event, several of protesters had brought out their megaphones. And that’s when the chaos started.

There were railings placed between the protesters and the parade attendants to prevent physical violence from breaking out. But it did not stop the vocal aspect of violence. It began with recitals of lines from the Bible which then it turned into warnings about how Judgement Day was approaching and God was watching them. But it wasn’t enough to just treat them like some sort of sacrilegious pariah, no of course not, because it soon escalated into a twisted game of trying to throw as many slurs and insults as possible to the parade goers who was surprisingly tolerant until that moment.  

The protesters called them animals, faggots, depraved deviants and all sorts of slanderous, degrading names while the parade attendants tried to make the protesters see reason and to defend themselves. Alec had to resist slamming his head on the pole he was carrying that held one end of the banner when his father joined in the fray. 

He was about to call his father back and hopefully to subdue him a little when someone shoved him from behind. As Alec had been standing close to the front, –at his parent’s insistence- when he fell, his body crashed solidly onto the metal railing. The force of his fall manage to rip the banner apart and it was brought down to floor along with him and the metal bars.

Alec’s eyes were closed when he fell, so when he blinked them open again, the world was spinning around him. Dizzy and disoriented, everything around him looked like a muddled mess. The back of his head throbbed and the rest of his body was sore, it appears that none of his parents or any of the protesters came to his aid, since the ones who were surrounding him in his immediate peripheral vision were people adorning all sorts of colourful ensemble.

“Are you okay?” The one in the middle asked. His vision was swimming and all he could see through the blur was copious amounts of glitter and a gorgeous, uninterrupted expanse of caramel coloured skin. If he wasn’t so delirious, he would’ve flushed at the sight or at the very least, acknowledge his blatant attraction to it and moved away accordingly. But if he was also not as delirious, he would have recognized that the man standing over him with a face full of alarm and concern, was his one and only boyfriend, Magnus Bane.

“Alexander, can you hear me?” It seemed that it was the sound of his name was what it took to break the fog around him. Alec squeaked involuntarily when he regained enough awareness to remember his predicament. The speed in which Alec sat up nearly knocked him into Magnus’ face, which would have ended terribly, but thankfully Magnus had moved out the way just in time before they could collide like a bunch of drunk stoners.

“M-Magnus...?” Risking a look at Magnus proved to be his detriment. Was the entire universe trying to out him right now? Because the mere sight of Magnus was making Alec drool like a thirsty desert wanderer. And his boyfriend was his own personal oasis.

Magnus had his hair tied back in a small bun, streaking across the black strands were a flurry of colours and glitter. He wasn’t wearing a shirt which exposed his smooth skin and showed off his lean but well built body, pecs and abs and all. Jesus Christ if there was ever a time Alec truly needed church, it was now because looking at Magnus felt like he was committing some sort of cardinal sin. Despite his semi nudity, Alec noticed that he was wearing various colourful accessories. Notably, his usual snake earcuff was replaced by one with three loops, each loop coloured in order according to the bisexual pride flag, pink, purple and blue. The colours were also painted on his bicep in three thin lines, his eyes were lined following the same principle. Magnus looked like he had been freshly carved by the gods of bisexuality themselves. As Magnus always said, he wasn’t just beautiful, he was _fabulous_. At this point in time, Alec couldn’t agree more.

“Yeah...” Magnus breathed out, relieved that his lover was alright as he reached out his hand for Alec to take. “Can you stand?” Alec stared at the hand extended towards him. Magnus’ nails were painted too, he realised. Rainbow coloured on the right one, crossing over to where the remaining two colours of violet and purple joined and matched up with the pink, purple and blue on his left hand. Gay and bisexual, like him and Magnus. When Alec took his hand, his eyes gestured to the nails and they both let out a sheepish smile. Love and forgiveness for the previous night passed through their expressions and both nodded, understanding each other without the need for words.

“I love you.” Their eyes said to each other, and both knew.

 

* * *

 

_“Alexander? Hey, Alec, are you okay?” Suddenly, Magnus’ hands was upon his face, then only Alec was aware that his cheeks were slightly wet. Shit, had he been crying? “Darling, god what happened?” Magnus fretted, pulling him up from the couch and enveloping him in a tender hug. He hugged back, arms wrapped around Magnus’ chest, enjoying the warmth and connection. But just like that, without warning, his emotions suddenly came barrelling in. Within a few moments, Alec was sobbing faintly, clutching the fabric of Magnus’ shirt tightly between his fingers. The need to have Magnus close was overpowering and his soothing scent of sandalwood and burnt sugar was doing wonders in calming him down._

_Magnus’ facial expressions warped into one of worry when he felt Alec’s trembling increase. “My dear, what has gotten you so distraught?” He asked gently, rubbing slow circles on Alec’s back, none too worried about getting his designer shirt wet and crumpled. As long as he can make sure that Alec was okay, he wouldn’t mind having his entire wardrobe ruined. They stayed like that for a moment, Alec softly sniffling in Magnus’ embrace until he was sure he had his emotions under control again._

_The TV was still playing, the beginnings of soft music echoing throughout Magnus’ living room. He was about to reach for the remote with full intention to turn it off but Alec stopped him, shaking his head._

_“Don’t.” Alec coughed, voice raspy from crying. Magnus passed him a glass of water and he took it gratefully, swallowing all its contents in two big gulps. “Let it keep playing.” He mumbled as he set the empty glass down, rearranging himself in Magnus’ arm, laying his head on the crook of his elbow._

_“What? So we can miss it and watch it again tomorrow?” Magnus chuckled half-jokingly, still mindful of Alec’s current emotional state and how he looked adorably close to dozing off._

_“I just like the song.” Alec murmured quietly but not escaping Magnus’ keen ears, especially when it concerns his Alexander._

_“Is that what made you cry?” Magnus readjusted the sofa pillows with his free hand, attempting to make Alec more comfortable but to no avail. Alec nodded anyways, to answer the question and in appreciation for Magnus’ effort. Exhaustion was slowly making itself known to Alec, his eyelids starting to droop heavily. “I understand her pain.” His volume lowered until it was barely a whisper. Magnus tilted his head, nuzzling his chin into the soft, black hair._

_“It’s hard to live up to their expectations. Her song kinda reminded me of myself. How I look into the mirror and I don’t recognize myself. All I do is pretend. Pretending to be someone I’m not, the perfect son, the good little Catholic boy and “normal”.” Wincing at the explanation, Magnus’ heart was crying for the boy in his arms. “I know it’s okay to be different, that being gay is normal and it’s not wrong.” Alec fell back, not quite aware of the words spilling out of his mouth anymore, his head lolling limply into Magnus’ chest._

_“It just sucks that I need to hide it from my parents or else they won’t love me anymore and then I’ll lose everything…” Alec grimaced, making grabby hands for Magnus’ free one, no longer in the mood to talk anymore. He only wanted to drown in the endless cocoon of love and affection his boyfriend encompassed him in._

_“No, not everything Alexander. You’ll always have me. Somewhere in the future, there will be a day where you no longer need to hide, even if your parents don’t agree with it.” Magnus smiled softly, brushing away the strands of hair that fell on Alec’s face. “My home will always be your home, and we can always figure things out together. All you need to do, is to be brave, fight for it and take that first step.” Somewhere in Alec’s addled mind, he found himself agreeing, and for the first time that night, he didn’t care what anyone thought. It was just him and Magnus. Together._

_“Maybe... Someday...” Alec’s brain could no longer keep up and he finally drifted off to sleep, his breaths evening out. He looked peaceful and content and it was all Magnus could ask for. For a moment, Magnus was lost in Alec’s beauty and just stared with open affection in his eyes. Tenderly, he reached down to put a kiss on his head before gently removing his hand from Alec’s to have it hooked under the younger’s knees, lifting his sleeping lover into his arms bridal style. Magnus set the TV on sleep mode, he touched his lips once more on Alec’s forehead, then silently made his way to the bedroom, holding Alec close to him. As he left, the TV gradually shuts off, fading out just as the song comes to an end._

_‘When will my reflection show, who I am, inside.’_

 

* * *

 

His long legs stumbled a little but Alec found his way back onto his feet. Lingering warmth from Magnus’ hand left him a little flushed and lightheaded, wanting nothing more than to pull the man into his arms and kiss him right then and there. However much his urges were yelling at him to do it, he resisted and bent down. When he leaned to pick up the fallen railing, Magnus was there to help him set it back up. Their hands touched for a second and it sent a buzz of electric down to Alec’s toes.

They stayed like that for a second, enjoying the touch of each other. Then Magnus moved away. The sudden cold flung Alec back to his senses. Suddenly remembering where he was and like a delayed reaction, recoiled from the rails. By then Magnus had already merged and disappeared into the crowd. Alec was left shivering in his spot. Whether it was from the fear of being caught or the lost of Magnus’ warmth, Alec thinks it could be both. Once again he was thrown back into the clamor of megaphones and endless hatred, with the railings once again barring him from where he wanted to be the most. As well who.

Somehow, amidst the havoc, Alec found his way back to his mother, leaving the ruined banner where it was dropped. Maryse wore a face of utter scorn and contempt. Anger and disgust rolled from her in waves as she marched in front of him and started dusting off his shirt as if the very apparel had offended her.

“Mother, what are you doing?” Alec had to back away to stop her divine fury. As scared as he was of Maryse and her disapproval, his earlier encounter with Magnus left him strangely confident.

“That filthy whore laid his hands on you.“ She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“ _What._ ” The temperature around him turned frigid. What did Maryse just called _his boyfriend_. It was like someone turned on a switch, the change did not go unnoticed by the people surrounding him, who all went silent and stared at the two. Even some from the parade stopped to see the cause of the sudden silence. Within them was Magnus, watching with widened eyes as the scene unfolded.

“Clearly we weren’t careful enough. That Bane boy has strayed from the path of the righteous. He will burn in hell and I’d be damned if I continue to let him corrupt you with his wanton perversions!” Stiffened by rage, it took all of Alec’s carefully cultivated self control not to lose his composure at that exact moment. The protesters around him were nodding at Maryse’s words, unaware of how extremely narrow minded they were being.

Alec took a deep, shuddering breath. When he opened his eyes again, they were darkly lit with a cold, livid fire. Alexander Gideon Lightwood was angry, and if looks could kill, everyone in a two mile radius would’ve been dead. Tortured memories all came rushing down like the wild current of a brewing maelstrom. Every single time he was yelled at for being flawed when they themselves had never been the perfect parents, the times he was put down for not being enough when he had tried his hardest to be the son they would be proud off and the times he was obliquely scorned and told of the punishments he would receive simply for being who he was. All the dismissals, the scoldings, the overbearing weight of stress they put on his shoulder and the disdainful shaming of people who were already forced to hide in the shadows. It all surged through him in a singular moment. His stomach bubbled in pure rage, fists balled up and shaking at his sides, knuckles white with fury.

He wanted to scream.

He wanted to cry.

He wanted to be free.

He wanted to fight.

And so he did.

Magnus looked from afar, his ears caught every single word Maryse spat about him. Although they didn’t personally affected him, his eyes never left his beloved Alexander who only stood there shaking like a leaf. Maybe it was little too much to hope for Alec to stand up for him in front of all these people, or at least to stand up for himself. Shaking his head, he surrendered to a resigned sigh and turned around. He was about to plaster on another smile and continue the march, when two words resounded through the silence.

“ _Shut up._ ”

Instantly, Magnus’ head whipped back to the scene. That couldn’t have been... And yet there was Alec, panting, breathing heavily through gritted teeth. A dark shadow had fallen over his eyes and his stance was rigid and firm. He faced a furious Maryse who looked outraged with her nose flared and bulging eyes. Her jaw clenched as she spoke.

“ _Alec_! How dare you-“

“NO! HOW DARE YOU!” Alec beat her to her words. His body was completely shaking, his heart rate increased rapidly. All the anger, the pain and hurt rushed out of his voice like an uncontrollable fire.

“Magnus and everyone else here has done NOTHING else but to let themselves love who they want to love! WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE THEM ON WHAT’S RIGHT OR WRONG WHEN THEY HAVE NEVER JUDGED YOU?! HOW DARE YOU SHAME AND CALL THESE PEOPLE FILTHY DEGENERATES AND DEPRAVED ANIMALS WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW THEM!?”

Alec was done. He was so done with it all, his parents, the protesters, his school, everything. He was DONE. He won’t let them control his life anymore. He won’t let fear stop him any longer. He was not going to stay silent and suffer the lies his mother spoke of his people anymore.

He was going to stand up for himself.

“You speak of sin and judgement and yet here you are doing nothing but spreading hate and spitting cruelty onto something you never even tried to understand!” Alec was stood up tall, but he was trembling, Magnus could hear the tears that were threatening to fall. He wanted nothing more than to reach for Alec, to hold his hand, to stand by his side. It was difficult, but he started to squeeze through the crowd to get to his Alexander.

“It’s because of all of your incessant hatred why so many of us live in fear! Do you know how that feels mother? To be scared of your own family? To be rejected and hated and called perverts for something we can’t control?! We’ve done nothing wrong and yet you condemn us to hell for loving differently.” Maryse was silent through Alec’s speech, her eyes wide in disbelief. Secretly, Alec was pleased with himself for being able to make his mother listen for once.

“What does that make you then?” Alec continued, meeting the gazes of the protesters. “What if I called you disgusting for laying with your loved ones as you’ve done for so many of us here? If you can love thy neighbours then why can’t you love us? Why can’t you just respect us and accept us for who we are?! We have feelings! We’re all humans too!” Nobody dared to say another word. Alec breathed heavily but he stood his ground, not even letting up for a second.

“If there was an actual God, he wouldn’t hate us for loving. Didn’t God made us the way we are? Why would he create some of us gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans or queer if he hated it so much? If there was an actual God, he’d put you all in hell, for all this mindless hatred that you’re continuing to spread!” The speech ended on a strong note. That felt good. Alec had finally given his parents a piece of his mind. A certain weightlessness surrounded him and he felt all the much lighter, like he could finally breathe again. Crackling energy and hot adrenaline was buzzing through his veins. He wasn’t scared anymore.

Without another word, Alec turned on his heels and strode away, not even sparing her a second glance. Cheers erupted around him in a loud roar, shouting praises and backing him up with “Yeah you tell them!” The parade went back to full swing and Alec’s face split in a huge grin. He broke into a run, tearing off the scratchy shirt Robert made him wear and revealed the colourful band on his arm. The cheers just got louder as Alec vaulted over the railing and joined the parade, beaming like the happiest man alive. From the corner of his eyes, he caught a glimpse of glittered dark hair in the crowd and was on his way to call out for Magnus when a furious voice boomed through a megaphone.

“ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD YOU WILL COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!” Of course, it just had to be Robert, looking undeniably dishevelled and humiliated.

 “YOU ARE NOT AND WILL NEVER BE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! THESE IMMORAL-CORRUPT-“

“And that’s where you’re wrong Mr and Mrs Lightwood.” Magnus smoothly cut in. He finally came through the crowd and sauntered gracefully up to Alec, casually propping his elbow on Alec’s shoulder. He eyed Alec from the side with a smirk. “Alexander?” He asked expectantly, Alec did not disappoint.

“If being gay means I’m immoral and corrupt, then I’d rather be a sinner. I’d rather be struck dead where I stand than have any part in your pointless hate crusade.” Alec stood up to his full height, looking prouder than ever. The sight brought a tear to Magnus’ eyes.

“Because listen up. I’m only gonna say this once. I’m in a relationship with a wonderful and fabulous bisexual man, and his name is Magnus Bane. He has shown me more love than you ever had, so no I refuse to go back, I refuse to hide.” Alec’s eyes shone with pure pride. “MY NAME IS ALEC LIGHTWOOD, I AM GAY AND I AM _FUCKING PROUD TO BE GAY!_ ”

Alec hoisted the fallen banner off the floor and with one pull, all three layers of tape came off. Colours burst into life, his mistake now was a declaration of acceptance. The paint he accidentally smeared was now a bold streak of rainbow colours running below the words.

“GOD LOVES US”

The parade went wild. People were singing, dancing and all cheering in absolute glee. And Alec was proud to be a part of it all. Banner in one hand, Alec snaked his other around Magnus’ bare waist. With a small push, Alec pulled Magnus close and their lips met in a hot and passionate kiss. The crowd only cheered louder at the display, some even applauded and soon there was confetti raining over them. Wolf whistles and hoots started to sound around them and Alec had never felt more free.

Tears rolled down his cheeks and he started sobbing. He wasn’t crying because he was afraid, nor was it because he was sad. No, these were happy tears, tears of nothing but pure, unadulterated joy. Their foreheads touched and Alec’s hands pressed into Magnus’ chest. They both laughed, loud and happy to be there. Although they were lost in each other’s eyes, they both saw how Maryse and Robert had stormed off until they were out of sight. Alec’s eyes fell and his heart undoubtedly shattered just a crack. When all is said and done, they were still his parents, people who raised him and sought approval from, he had hoped that after hearing him out, they would at least try to understand.

Magnus saw the change in his eyes and put a hand on Alec’s cheek. “Give them some time. One day, they’ll come around.” This brought back the light in Alec’s smile and he nodded in acceptance. His heart wasn’t completely healed when he knew their acceptance was not assured, but at least it was something he could hope for and that was more than he could ask for. For now, he had Magnus to hold on to, to be his rock and his anchor, he would be okay.

“So since we’re both here, why not enjoy the festivities?” Before he could reply though, Magnus grabbed his arm. “But! There is something we must do first, come on!” Magnus smirked and pulled Alec to the side.

“Where are we going?” Alec laughed breathlessly as he allowed Magnus to drag him off. It was a short run and they stopped at the nearby parking lot where Magnus hauled Alec straight to his shiny red sports car. Magnus flew to the driver’s seat to pull out his makeup bag, then he sat Alec down on his trunk. “I am going to give you a makeover.” Magnus’ voice tells Alec that he won’t be taking no as an answer so he just stayed still and lets him do as he wish, which Magnus was more than glad for. He pops open one of his palettes and begins his work.

The brush was soft on his cheeks. He could sense Magnus’ experience with every stroke and he trusted Magnus would do him more than enough justice. The face paint felt funny and cold on his nose at first, but he welcomed it and closed his eyes. Magnus was switching colours every few seconds and only painted in a thick stripe from one cheek to the other. Within minutes, Magnus was finished, indicated by the closing snap of the palette.

“There now you look fit for the occasion.”

Then something small was placed in his hands, Alec opened his eyes and saw that Magnus had handed him a compact mirror. He held the closed object tentatively in his hands. For a second, his fear came rushing back. He was afraid again. What if what he saw was not what he wanted to see? That if he looked and he’d still see the same person, that nothing has changed. What if this was all a dream or that his actions today have been for naught and he made a terrible, terrible mistake? God he hated feeling like this, he hated feeling scared, he hated feeling powerless.

There was movement beside him and then Magnus took his hand. He held it between his, giving a gentle squeeze, reassuring and stable. A silent reminder to let Alec know that he was there with him. That there was nothing for him fear anymore.

Alec took a long, deep breath and squeezed back. He closed his eyes and opened the mirror.

“Take a look, darling.” Magnus’ calm voice chased away every last worry and Alec opened his eyes.

A simple rainbow streak sat on his nose.

In the mirror, he finally saw himself for the first time. Alec smiled and his reflection smiled back, genuine and full of hope, and it was wonderful. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I actually didn't expect anyone to make it this far, but if you did congratulations on suffering through my inability to write emotion haha! Okay jokes aside, I do hope you had an okay time reading it! Please do consider leaving a few tips for better writing if you have any cause God knows I need to improve desperately. Your thoughts on this are definitely welcomed, so are flames if it was that bad. Any sort of feedback would be great! I hope y'all have a nice day!


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